Where is my mind?

If everything you experience positively has a backlash....does life just even out to zero one way or another

You have extremely negative experiences...you gain a more concrete self identity full of depth

You have an easy life...and you end up with no appreciation for experience itself, positive or negative.

If love, sex, euphoria, being high, ecstacy, joy, and bliss is all the equivalent of the drug that makes you curious, keeps you going, makes you wonder, and eventually lets you fall and crash.........

(fill in the blank)

J

Sickest Little Thrill

Sometimes I wish that everyone would talk to me in another language....Imagine how much more attention you would have to pay to every little gesture, look, and meaning if nothing was familiar. Except instead of a language of words it would be a language of lifestyle, intentions, and modes of operation.

You couldn't predict what he does to provoke, what she does to react, what they do to forget about it, or the effect to any cause in your social world.

We all get a sick thrill from the familiar. It makes us feel so loved, so intelligent, so accepted, so right. Simply understanding the how and why of the environment we have acclimated ourselves to gives us this feeling that all is right with the world.

Our immediate environment is unique to be sure. In what world would you ever imagine that thousands of people at the peak of their physical and mental abilities unite to form a culture of the pseudo intellectual brain dead?

We are so afraid of our own potential that we sedate and damage the part of us that we used to take so much pride in. At the same time manipulating and contorting our exterior to find the next little high in our floating and crashing lives.

This leaves the shell...glossy, plastic, hallow, grotesque, glamorous?, fake, numb, and stupid.

In our case beauty doesn't even go skin deep...it is the flawed but practical Teflon coating that covers us from head to toe so that when we look purposely in the mirror we don't have to see a single inch of ourselves.

The ridiculous but tragic end to our mission is that everyone has said 'fuck you' to innocence of any kind...but once they've lost it they start desperately searching for the same purity, honesty, integrity, and naivety in themselves and everyone else that they just threw away.

Crazy calm...............

Do you ever just have a wave of clarity and peace just wash over you?

I do...I can get caught up for days, weeks, months worrying about the strangest things, fixating on ridiculous configurations of ambiguous social phenomena. Irrelevant issues will suddenly fill me with fear, suspicious, and anger as I try desperately and ineffectively to control the uncontrollable.

Then ...when I least expect it....I feel this strange warm sense of calm and everything not only makes sense but it is as it should be.

This world is not here to provide any one of us with our theoretically ideal paths to self indulgent and imagined glory

....it makes sense because it does not make sense....and you'll never get a better explanation until you understand it,  at which point, seeking explanation is meaningless.

A thin line to 'buyers remorse'

I had a young friend contact me today. She is 16 and had something really horrible to tell me about. She was raped. She said she wanted to talk to me because she knew I had been as well and she felt like no one understood.

I once had a man argue with me that a majority of rape is simply sexual 'buyer's remorse'...a girl gets drunk, acts stupid and regrets it the next day, the easiest way to ease her conscience is to say she was raped or taken advantage of.

This level of persecution is what is confronting my young friend. Her friends and fellow students say she asked for it, she wanted it, she did it intentionally.

I know how this feels because I have been raped more than once...and people I trusted said the same things....Little do they know how cruel those assumptions can be.

Its easy for women to regret the things theyve done. Its easy for guys to justifty the things they have done.

It is confusing for a girl to realize that there is a difference between 'feeling pressured' into having sex and 'being pressured' into having sex. It is confusing for a guy to understand the difference between she's worried about having sex and she is worried about telling you she doesn't want to.

There is a thin line...but the further both sexes stay away from it, the better off we'll all be.

When your kid sister looks up at you with shame and tears in her eyes and tells you what has happened to her....are you going to say she's just having sexual 'buyers remorse' for her decisions?

The sun will come out...today!

There is a strange sort of comfort in knowing that life, emotions and social interactions usually develop equilibrium. For every sad day, there is a happy one. For every mean thing someone says, there is a compliment. I guess all you can do is hang on for the ride and get what you can out of it.